If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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