I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
