your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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