I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
