We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I intend to get homeless drunk
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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