what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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