So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
