and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
