Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
