did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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