My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
