it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
