sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
