I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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