I hate your face
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
