if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
