i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
