If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
