how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
