thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
