I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
