I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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