Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
