Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
