i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
then he tried to convert me to islam
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
