so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
