eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
