i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
