I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
