the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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