yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
