I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
