FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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