I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
