dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
