Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
