I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
