so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
