I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
