If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
