You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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