mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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