When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
