Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
