In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
