I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
