After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
