I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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