The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
