Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
