In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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