She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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