I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I die, sorry about rent.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
